Where Joy in Christ is Stolen From Me

These five characteristics have taken away joy in Christ through my entire life. They have left me craving for attention, wanting my way, and my fleshly desires. These are not my "oh i sin a little here and there", or "i struggle a bit this and that- trying to normalize these things. These are deep rooted sins, which corrupts my heart, displeases God, and does not represent Christs sacrifice on the cross. Praise the Lord for being redeemed, for the Holy Spirit helping, for God saving me from my life of destruction and self worship. He is so good and continues to sanctifying me in these areas when i CONSTANTLY fail.

Pride
Man, pride feeds into all my other issues. I grew up self righteous and still struggle with thoughts of being better than others. Somehow i lean towards me not being as bad, mean, or sinful as others. I act like I have it together, am more knowledgeable or innocent. I have been tricked into this lie and need to be humbled all the time- by others, by God, by Christ dying on the cross. May the grace of God completely destroy my pride and show me that my efforts are rags, so I may fully worship Christ.

Impatience
ooooh boy. Ive noticed this poor quality since I was a child. I know in my head and heart Im like go at my pace at all times- with thoughts, emotions, actions, and words. If youre not youll offend me. I see it in my driving, in the way I speak with others, and in my relationship with God. I dont like waiting, now I am worried, now I am waiting too long... My soul is never satisfied when really my affections to need to be turned to Christ so I am FULL of joy!

Anger
I am the most UGLY at heart when I am angry. The selfish and bitter things I think and sometimes say out loud are just plain awful. When I am angry, I like to sit and stir in my thoughts, justifying how right I am and how I should remain angry because Ive been wronged. I yell, I talk poorly, I talk with a bad attitude. Its so dumb as I type it, but unfortunately, it happens and I continue to need great help in seeing my lack of gentlessness and the way I ought to love others.

Control
Why Why Why is it that I have to at least be in the know about everything?! I make excuses that I am type A, but it is my sin that does not trust God and only trusts my decisions. How silly. How naive that I think I know how things should and ought to work out. I get offended when reactions arent the way I expected, or actions arent the way I planned out. This is deep rooted and I need the Holy Spirit's help in freeing me from my bondage to my expectations.

Idolatry
HMM i run to my idols when I am complacent, bored, or idle. I run to my idols of TV, friends, family, busyness, attention instead of praying, reading, being in communion with the Lord. I use my idols to pass the time, to take my mind off things, to not think, to feel immediate satisfaction and love. I run away from the Lord's call and instead of being obedient to Him, I idolize myself and my other gods. I am called to daily die to myself and these things, and love the Lord with all my strength.

Some Blogs Ive Been Reading from Desiring God

Jesus is Not Your Sin Manager
How to Endure Common to Man Temptations
A Bitter Harvest
Give Others the Gift of Being Slow to Speak
What Our Anger is Telling Us

"It's very important that we count the cost of sexual immorality before temptation hits. That's the time for clear thinking. Temptation clouds our judgment. That's why we pray "keep us from temptation." Avoiding the fog by steering around it is much better than trying to navigate through it."

"Knowing God's glory is at stake, we need to create humble church cultures where secret sin is not kept in the dark, but rather brought into the light. If we rightly understand the doctrine of sin, we should never be surprised by our own temptations nor by the confessions of others. We should want to create "safe harbors" for God's people to confess, repent, and welcome accountability for change. The roaring lion waits in the cover of darkness to attack what he finds there, but "whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God" (John 3:21).Let us help the women in our churches experience the freedom of living in the light."

Why I Want & Not Want to Grow Up to be like My Parents

I wish I wasnt running out and about half the time so I can just write my thoughts out over here. This is something Ive been wanting to write about... this, thoughts on dating again and another on social media. But I will write the latter one hopefully soon.

My Parents.

Why i want to grow up to be like my parents.
Dad
SERIOUSLY i kid you not, the greatest man I have had the pleasure of being raised by. hard worker. works 12 hour days but is ALWAYS home to cook our family dinner. It has been like that my entire life. Not only does he provide but he cooks, cleans, does the yardwork, fixes things, but what i adore about him is that he loves to spend time with his family. ive never known anything else. he plans our trips together, weekend and summer, plays games with us, listens to all of our girly stories, laughs and makes fun of us,protects our family and raises us to a good moral standard. Ive had manyyyy talks with him when i have been disobedient where he has taught me lessons on growing up and learning from my mistakes. Most of the time he has been correct and more wise. He has also sympathized with me as boys have hurt me and has hugged me so tight when I lacked a good man. He thinks before he speaks, is slow to anger, and hears out everyone (most of the time heh). He sacrificially loves our home and each one of his girls, doing anything and everything. im thankful for a loving father who shows his love through acts of service and quality time. he places such a huge importance on family and that has helped me see the importance of the family unit.

Mom
My mama has taught me most about how to have a conversation and love others. This has been key I believe to many of my relationships. I have watched her as she interacts with others- laughing uncontrollably, smiling ear to ear with genuine interest and happiness for others. How awesome! How life giving!She has hosted parties for us girls and our friends, countlessly talks to my friends as she has developed an interest in knowing them, and is filled with enthusiasm. She is a hard worker too. If it werent for us girls I know shed be a workaholic perhaps. But she sacrificially gave that up to care for us. But shes bright, intelligent, strong, and independent. Also she loves my papa. Whatever he says, she will give her thoughts, but also really heeds his thoughts and lets him lead our home. She is bubbly, creative, silly, and has a big personality! What has been so nice is that she really will listen to our stories, make jokes, give advice, be joyful, and sympathize with me. Mama has also pushed me to be more confident when i struggle with self esteem and even laziness. She is the best supporter in seeing me happy and couldnt be prouder i believe. Im really thankful for that.

Why i dont want to grow up to be like my parents
As you can see, I love them VERY much, id do almost anything for them. There are some areas as Ive grown up (but still have MUCH to learn) where I see room for growth as well. I realized that my parents have and are supposed to have weaknesses. They arent perfect very much like I AM NOT PERFECT. It is difficult in a way to make a transition to adult life because I respect them, care for them, heed their wisdom, but then I too am starting to make my own decisions apart from the way they raised me. Some areas in which I hope to be different from my parents is to be more vulnerable and open around my future (lord willing) children. I want them to see me ask them forgiveness, share areas in my life where I am weak and am in need of Jesus Christ. I want them to see my failures, struggles, but in all of that, see the surpassing joy in God. I want them to witness my worship of the Lord- in my reading, praying, singing, gospelizing, serving, blessing- where apart from God I am nothing. I too need teaching and feeding and growing- not just the children. I want them to see my publicly I need a strong community because I need accountability, good fun, wisdom, help to persevere in this world. I hope for my children to see that I have no other rock to stand on but Jesus Christ. Most of all, I hope for them to see the gospel in my life, and will one day be saved by God who has given me sweet undeserving kindness. I hope they see the gospel everywhere they walk- in our home, on the streets, in our church, in school, and grow into bold witnesses of the Lord. The gospel is this good news that the Father sent his most treasured and beloved Son to be slaughtered for those who would believe and place their faith in Christ. God has reconciled us sinners to a holy and perfect God who made a way to have a loving relationship with us. By no other name are we saved. May they trust in this good news too.

MAY, ya were Wonderful!

We are already heading to June!!! These two weeks were SO FAST. I love may. I love the weather, i love the name, and its quite a relaxing month for me. June hits me so hard with various events every year, so i take may to really enjoy, reflect, and be glad in Christ.

Giving Thanks:
-Its been so fun being involved in helping with the different decor for Pam and Aarons wedding! I am def not a crafty person, but its been great!
-celebrating my crafty friend's book being released :)

-Having dinner and dessert with Jose and his bff RJ

-Hanging with Kat and just strange things that happen with her hahah and being accountable to her.
-Hanging with HS friends in the jazcuzzi like ol times!!! Fifth wheelin it :p.
-Celebrating Graces graduation at her house!

-Being blessed by Crossview in the Word- Romans 8 and Matthew 5! Enjoyed gathering with my church family, and eating together.
-Catching up with Eddie after 6 years!!!

-Seeing my long time friend Eric!

-Hanging with my beloved Bianca all night along with her fam

-frostbites with jose, then again with coworkers!

-OMGZ-seeing the backstreet boys AGAIN!!!!!! amazing

-Going to the San Diego Safari with Jose and getting a free meal at a buffet!

-Celebrating my sister turning 21 at TGIF and seeing xmen with the fam!
-Visiting a newly planted church in fullerton called Renew and seeing how God is blessing that city and this new church!