Where Joy in Christ is Stolen From Me

These five characteristics have taken away joy in Christ through my entire life. They have left me craving for attention, wanting my way, and my fleshly desires. These are not my "oh i sin a little here and there", or "i struggle a bit this and that- trying to normalize these things. These are deep rooted sins, which corrupts my heart, displeases God, and does not represent Christs sacrifice on the cross. Praise the Lord for being redeemed, for the Holy Spirit helping, for God saving me from my life of destruction and self worship. He is so good and continues to sanctifying me in these areas when i CONSTANTLY fail.

Pride
Man, pride feeds into all my other issues. I grew up self righteous and still struggle with thoughts of being better than others. Somehow i lean towards me not being as bad, mean, or sinful as others. I act like I have it together, am more knowledgeable or innocent. I have been tricked into this lie and need to be humbled all the time- by others, by God, by Christ dying on the cross. May the grace of God completely destroy my pride and show me that my efforts are rags, so I may fully worship Christ.

Impatience
ooooh boy. Ive noticed this poor quality since I was a child. I know in my head and heart Im like go at my pace at all times- with thoughts, emotions, actions, and words. If youre not youll offend me. I see it in my driving, in the way I speak with others, and in my relationship with God. I dont like waiting, now I am worried, now I am waiting too long... My soul is never satisfied when really my affections to need to be turned to Christ so I am FULL of joy!

Anger
I am the most UGLY at heart when I am angry. The selfish and bitter things I think and sometimes say out loud are just plain awful. When I am angry, I like to sit and stir in my thoughts, justifying how right I am and how I should remain angry because Ive been wronged. I yell, I talk poorly, I talk with a bad attitude. Its so dumb as I type it, but unfortunately, it happens and I continue to need great help in seeing my lack of gentlessness and the way I ought to love others.

Control
Why Why Why is it that I have to at least be in the know about everything?! I make excuses that I am type A, but it is my sin that does not trust God and only trusts my decisions. How silly. How naive that I think I know how things should and ought to work out. I get offended when reactions arent the way I expected, or actions arent the way I planned out. This is deep rooted and I need the Holy Spirit's help in freeing me from my bondage to my expectations.

Idolatry
HMM i run to my idols when I am complacent, bored, or idle. I run to my idols of TV, friends, family, busyness, attention instead of praying, reading, being in communion with the Lord. I use my idols to pass the time, to take my mind off things, to not think, to feel immediate satisfaction and love. I run away from the Lord's call and instead of being obedient to Him, I idolize myself and my other gods. I am called to daily die to myself and these things, and love the Lord with all my strength.